Sunday, 3 April 2016
MATH JOKES 1 YEAH
Margin of Error
Here’s some advice: At a job interview, tell them you’re willing to give 110 percent. Unless the job is a statistician.
Comedian Adam Gropman
The Calculating Sheepdog
After a talking sheepdog gets all the sheep in the pen, he reports back to the farmer: “All 40 accounted for.”
“But I only have 36 sheep,” says the farmer.
“I know,” says the sheepdog. “But I rounded them up.”
Submitted by Norie Bloom, Honolulu, Hawaii
An I.Q. Too High To Buy
A scientist tells a pharmacist, “Give me some prepared tablets of acetylsalicylic acid.”
“Do you mean aspirin?” asks the pharmacist.
The scientist slaps his forehead. “That’s it!” he says. “I can never remember the name.”
Submitted by R. s., via mail
Steer Clear of this Joke
A farmer counted 196 cows in the field. But when he rounded them up, he had 200.
Zero Sum Puns
The problem with math puns is that calculus jokes are all derivative, trigonometry jokes are too graphic, algebra jokes are usually formulaic, and arithmetic jokes are pretty basic. But I guess the occasional statistics joke is an outlier.
Submitted by Denis Everett, Coronado, California
Professors Define a Kiss
In math: Two divided by nothing.
In physics: The contraction of the mouth due to the expansion of the heart.
In accounting: It’s a credit, because it is profitable when returned.
In economics: A thing for which the demand is higher than the supply.
In dentistry: It’s infectious and antiseptic.
Hear About the Statistician…
Hear about the statistician who drowned crossing a river?
It was three feet deep on average.
A Joke of Little Value…
Q: Did you hear about the mathematician who’s afraid of negative numbers?
A: He will stop at nothing to avoid them.
A Genius Solution
I put my root beer in a square glass. Now it’s just beer.
Why Should 288…
Q: Why should the number 288 never be mentioned?
A: It’s two gross.
Why do Mathematicians…
Q: Why do mathematicians like parks?
A: Because of all the natural logs.
Noah and the Snakes
With the Ark settled safely after the flood, Noah opens the doors and commands the animals, “Go forth and multiply!” All the animals depart the Ark, except for two snakes in the back. Noah proclaims again, “Go forth and multiply,” yet the snakes stay put. Perturbed, Noah finally asks them, “Why have you not followed my command?” The snakes flicker their tongues and answer, “We can’t multiply, Noah—we’re Adders.”
What do You Call a Number…
Q: What do you call a number that can’t keep still?
A: A roamin’ numeral.
The House Problem
A physicist, a biologist and a mathematician are sitting on a bench, watching people entering and leaving the house on the other side of the street. First they see two people enter the house; A while later, they watch three people leave the house.
The physicist says, “The initial measurement wasn’t accurate.”
The biologist counters, “They must have reproduced.”
Finally, the mathematician suggests, “If one more person enters the house, then it will be empty again.”
An Average Joke
Q: Did you hear the one about the statistician?